what's happening?

it's been a while huh?
well nobody read this blog anyway so i guess it's okay LOL

i don't know where to start.... but i just don't know anything anymore...

you see

i found a passion few months ago... it's about music composing and stuffs... i kinda enjoy that... for a while

now?

i lost it... i kinda stopped 'cause i can't do it properly. being mediocre is really hard. so yeah that's one

it's been five years already from that incident but i'm still feeling it... that feeling that i wrote about last year... it's practically the same... but sometimes i become more and more confused abut this feeling... well i'm on a project for her tribute so... that's two

the next one... it's about living alone and stuffs... these past months i kinda found out that i'm starting to develop some kind of mental illness or something LOL... emo things aside... i'm LONELY AS FUCK... it's not that i didn't do it in the past but i started to talk to myself a lot more.... and to other things... like THINGS not person or even a cat...

and i started to fantasize about a lot of things (not that it's new but yeah it's becoming worse and worse) so that's three

school's boring as always and i don't think i can properly keep up with anything... sometime i talked about school with my parents (well not about wanting to quit or anything like that... just trivial normal things) even if they told me to relax or rest a bit etc etc i know they want me to finish like the average guys would finish... i mean.. not in an embarrassing way... that's four

so yeah... i think that's it?

well.. just so you know i don't really edit things that i wrote

so i tend to write things as if i'm talking to someone

so yeah... that's not it

you know

all those things

are happening at the same time

plus those trivial problematic problems like headlight not working or broken water pump... or no broken shoes... or heavy rain... or the sun being too hot... etc etc etc

so i just don't know what to do anymore

like

i can't keep up

with any of these

i'm stressed

you know

every time my eyes became tired... and i rest my body on the freakin bed

my breath feel heavy... my heart will beat faster... i become restless... and i'll think about everything

THAT I HAVE DONE

THAT WILL HAPPEN

THAT CAN'T BE UNDONE

THAT I CAN'T DO

EVERYTHING

until

the sleepiness comes and rescue me

to the calm world of my dreams

or anything like that

i don't know