So anyway, i’m going home to Jakarta tomorrow afternoon... i’ve been saying this sentence that “i’m going home” these past days to people around me ‘cause of excitement... but then they’ll asked the same question “aren’t you from here?” like... from surabaya? and it’ll be something complicated when i have to explain this one... “why going to jakarta is going home?” i mean i spend 4 years of my childhood in south sulawesi.. then i moved to cikarang baru and lived there for around 6,5 years... then i moved to jakarta and spent only 3,5 years there then i moved here to surabaya and already lived here for another 6,5 and it’s still COUNTING... like... i’m stuck here for a long time... so... wouldn’t my home be... here? or... in cikarang baru.... well, you can actually count cikarang baru as jakarta but i don’t think it’s due to the length of stay... it’s more like... psychological stuffs... that i’ll never understand...
"Your grandmother will be sad if you say this is not your home over and over" -mom-
anyway, so i packed... some clothing for tomorrow just now... ‘cause i have to go do the night shift... it’s mainly black... black clothing... no more colors... just... black t-shirts... black long-sleeved t-shirts... black hoodie (good stuffs actually from uniqlo lol)... black pants... earphone and many others... mom told me to stop only wearing blacks so i wear other colors but i only love the color black i guess? my parents said it looked like i’m in a constant grieving... which actually kinda true... while i shouldn’t be... but... why am i grieving? i know the reason but i never sure enough to tell that it’s the answer... am i really this sad about it? am i faking this? for years? is this feelings real? and i’ll keep thinking about it over and over and over non stop until my head feels like it’s going to burst...
anyway, this is actually a cycle... there’s this switch in my head telling me to think about everything i said, done, felt and think about even if i’ll never find the answer... it always happen around a certain time... like... i saw the reminder everytime i open my facebook page like for real... it’s like saying... hey man, in this particular time you have to think about everything... like for real...
well... i don’t even know why i decided to write this... i might think about this as well after i publish this post
i'm going home anyway so happy holiday people!
i'm going home anyway so happy holiday people!
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